Parenting PTSD

To the parents of teens who battle depression: Do you feel like you are experiencing PTSD now? Because I feel that way. Always on edge. Always waiting for the bomb to drop. Always worrying, even when all is okay in the moment. I hear a loud thud from her room, and I go running. I …

Worry

I wasted a whole weekend in worry, and still have nothing to show. No food, no gifts, no necessities. This grave I'm digging is my own. ©️asewalson

The Heavy Season

We have been going through a rocky time at our house. This started months before the pandemic, but in all honesty, I wonder how long it was all going on before I saw the signs. Our youngest child has depression. For over two years, I feel like I have not allowed myself to rest. I …

Paying it Forward

We were at the Dollar Tree today picking up some candy and other odds and ends. As I passed a man wearing a Chicago Bears stocking hat down an aisle, my purse knocked some items off of a shelf. I bent down to pick them up, and as I did, the man also stopped to …

The Sandwich Season

Have you ever heard of the sandwich season of life? It occurs when you are still in the stage of taking care of your own children, while now having to worry about and possibly take care of your parents. One thing that I seem to continuously forget is that as I age, and my children …

Trees

The trees seem to speak as they wave in the wind. The branches are broken apart yet they stand. Can they feel emotions as you and I? Do they suffer from heartache, and will they break down and cry? Leaves seem to whisper that they know more than they say. Can they too keep secrets …

It Can’t Rain All The Time

My grandfather died last Friday. I am heartbroken, as he was one of the most influential people in my life. I could go on and on about how loving and strong he was. When I was little, I swore he was actually John Wayne. His name was John after all, and he wore a cowboy …

I Tend To Be Me

I tend to say things I don't really mean, and in the end I feel rather hopeless. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm easily hurt, don't you know this? I tend to get nervous around other people, and sometimes I act rather foolish. I tend to self doubt, when compared …

We Must Entertain

"I don't have any friends!" That is what I have heard this year, more times than I would care to mention, from my youngest daughter, who just turned ten. I have witnessed old friendships fall to the wayside, and I have seen with my own eyes the way these old "friends" treat her at school. …

We’re All Trying To Get Back In

Social scenarios are not my forte. A crowded room of people is not a comfortable place for me. I find myself getting nervous, panicked, and clumsy in these settings. The thought of presenting myself to others in a manner that will lead them to like me is stressful. If you think about it, we all …

Always Be You

Have you ever had one of those "momma bear" moments? You child tells you someone has hurt them, or hurt their feelings, and you instantly become consumed with anger, as you want to make it all right for your child. But what do you do when you are a logical thinker, and know that anger …

It’s a Sweater

It has been a tough couple of weeks. I feel like I am trying to hold everything together, but the harder I try, the worse it all gets. It is like I am holding this ball of yarn, with the intentions of making a sweater. But as I try to begin to unwind it, the …

I’ve Been Afraid of Changing….

Have you ever heard the song "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac? In the live version, Stevie Nicks begins it by saying "this is for you daddy." However, I have read that the song is more about relationships and sacrifices. And as of late, I find myself listening to this song, and thinking about my own life. …

If I Could Turn Back Time

Have you ever thought that if you could just go back to one specific point in time, you would make a completely different choice, and this would change the path of your life that lead to where it is now? I have several of those specific points. Sometimes I find myself in a position where …

Andy’s Story

We lost our dear friend Andy in January. I was approached by the producer from KWIT, our local public radio station, about writing a piece to honor our friend. Andy loved listening to public radio. 🙂 After several edits of a longer piece I wrote, we finally ended with the perfect story. At first, I …

Nothing

Mumbling fool you did it again, Waiting for the night to come to its end. You stomp and you stagger all through the hall, Loudly declaring you're ready to brawl. It's tired this way of drowning yourself. Tedious is the way you handle it now. Nobody minds if you miss a meal, Nobody cares how …

This Dream

Of this dream I remember well, all of the sights and all of the smells. We walked along, you touched my face. Helplessly I fell into your embrace. We were one, you and I, and time just seemed to trickle by. I awoke feeling happy and free, only to realize you weren't really with me. …

Ba Humbug

In this season of being thankful, I find myself feeling low. I have been reflecting on all I have, all I am, and all I long to be. I am miserable. What the hell is wrong with me? The heavy burden of carrying it all by myself is finally crushing me. I am longing for …

Unfair

Our friend is dying, this is not fair! A life so full of energy, just taken away. A brother, a son, and a father..... this is not fair for the poor little girl.   A slow death, snuffing out the light of a man who truly cares about his friends and his family. No, this …

Heartbreaking Reality

I didn't even get an invitation to my step-brother's wedding. I don't know why I was kept off of the guest list, and this has left me sad and confused. The more I think about it, the sadder I seem to get. My dad married his mom almost 20 years ago, and with that union came …