It is raining today, and the weather seems to imitate my mood. Lately I have felt so weighed down and defeated. I am not really sure why. Perhaps it is the current state of hate that our country is in, though I will not get political in this post.
My oldest daughter, who is 16, is wise beyond her years. She has always stood up for what she believes in, and has no fear in being an advocate for those who are being treated unjustly. Her spirit is strong, resilient, and very much unlike mine. Her willingness to confront conflict head on is the complete opposite of my stand silent approach to arguing. She is going to do great things in this world, and I am proud of her for always staying true to herself.
It seems I can learn a lot from this 16 year old young lady. She has opened my eyes to learning how to be vigilant. She has taught me how to cut ties with how I was told to believe, and feel with my heart what is right. We are all human beings after all, irregardless of outward appearances. Kindness is free to give, love is a much lighter weight than hate.
She asked me to go to a vigil for Heather Heyer on Sunday night, and I was hesitant. I did not want to face confrontation, and possible danger that might reside at this gathering. What scared me more was picturing my daughter facing it alone if I didn’t go. I went with her, and ended up finding the complete opposite of my irrational fears of this night. We were in a room full of people, all colors, all genders, all together because we are all human beings. People shared their feelings regarding their fears and concerns. People shared their feelings of anger and confusion. People cried, people laughed, people sang. This room full of people became a safety net of feelings, and opened my eyes to the fact that I was not alone in what I was feeling inside.
My daughter, in her 16 years on this earth, has made me step outside of my shell through her courage. She has helped me be honest with what I believe in, and fueled me to advocate for right over wrong. In this journey of finding my own voice, I have become melancholy about the state of affairs. The fears have turned to advocating action, and through the sadness, I hope to help in the change.
I have my daughter to thank for that. She is such a light in this dark, dark world.
A Beautiful Disaster 